Tuesday, January 27, 2009

It's quiet...too quiet.

So, working from home is pretty much the hardest thing ever. I work 6-8 hour days on the phone, computer, and blackberry WHILE AT THE SAME TIME watching, feeding, playing with, laughing with, crying over, yelling because of, and loving my little 3 year old (who, as everyone who as a 3 year old knows...is very high maintenance).

Have you ever talked on the phone with a group of 3 executives, 2 lawyers, and one assistant while your kids screams in the background at the dog for eating her snack? How about trying to terminate an employee for sexual harassment while your kid yells in the background that she's done pooping? Or, how about being in the middle of a training session where you are speaking via conference call to 15 people in a room who can't see you, but hear your voice from a box (very Charlie Angels but without the cute outfits or exciting adventure) when you realize...holy cow it's too quiet. Why don't I hear nose picking sounds or crayons on walls or jumping off furniture?....uh oh it must be something I don't want to know about.

So, I ask my assistant to cover a few topics of conversation for me and I put the phone on mute. "Jayda, what are you doing?" I ask.
No answer. Silence.
Again, I call "Jayda, honey what are you doing and where are you?"
Answer: "I don't know."

NOOOOOOO. The answer "I don't know" can mean two things: one, she knows shes doing something wrong and can't think of a good answer quick enough; and two: she really doesn't know what she's doing because it's so odd that she really has no words to explain. Either way...I'm not a fan of the "I don't know" answer.

So, with the phone still on mute I get up to go check on her and see a very naked little girl run out of the bathroom (which is off limits when she's alone) and past me with her hands held tight in front of her like she's holding something precious she can't possibly let go of.

I reach her. "Jayda, honey, open your hands."
"No. I can't" she says.
"Why" I ask.
"Because I don't want to lose Bunny's medicine" she replies.
I say, "that's okay. Bunny isn't sick anymore so we don't have to give her any more medicine. Just show me what's in your hands." (FYI, "bunny or bun bun" is her stuffed animal friend that has become Jayda's 5th appendage since she got the darn thing her first Easter 3 grimey years ago).

She slowly opens her hands and low and behold...we have about $100 - $120 worth of my contact lenses that she had opened up and scrunched around in her hands sweetly depositing muck, grime, snot, hairs, and dog fur all over. Before I can ask her what in the holy heck she is doing, this is what she starts rambling about...

"Mommy, bunny was very sick and needed some medicine and I'm her mommy and I had to take good care of her like you take care of me when I'm sick so I stuck these up her butt."

You know your a mom to a 3 year old when your first response to this is: "Honey we don't say "butt." She used "bum bum" for the rest of her story.

So, you're wondering: Does Cori Roth stick stuff up her kids butt when she's sick? The answer is no. However, Jayda has had three UTI's which she's received a total of 7 catheters for and she had some constipation issues which caused the doctor to threaten an enema (which wasn't needed). So, no I don't "stick stuff up her butt when she's sick," but I can appreciate her thought process. Okay, back to the story from my little ones mouth...

"So, bunny was sick and I stuck this medicine up her bum-bum to make her feel better. She needed A LOT of medicine so I had to go get more from the medicine place."

I say, "okay honey. thanks for telling me. Why are you naked?"
She answers, "I don't know, I got side licked" (what she meant to say is side-tracked).
I ask, "side tracked from what?"
Her answer, "I don't remember."

In the background I hear my assistant stalling as she waits for me to get back on the phone to handle the rest of my training session I'm conducting. I have enough time to kiss Jayda's head, mourn for my $100+ loss of contact lenses, shut the bathroom door, and throw Jayda a new outfit while I am completely saddened that my kid has to self entertain by sticking stuff up stuffed animals anal glands while I work from home.

I take the rest of my call and 90 minutes later I spend some time with Jayda. It's then, as she's cuddled in my arms that I realize that I am sooooooo beyond blessed to work from home to see her do these crazy, annoying, yet endearingly cute things that I'd miss if I was in an office.

I'm so blessed to work from home. I love my 3 year old. I love my life. Thank heavens for the little laughs that make it all worth while.!


Angie said...

That is so terrible, funny, cute and awful all at the same time. You are a super mommy!

Erin said...

I have been laughing SO hard while reading that. I also wish I could work from home. That is the best story I've heard all day. (And of course I assumed you give Jayda suppositories on a regular basis. LOL)

Anonymous said...

This made me laugh so hard my eyes watered! While my kids have embarrassed me on a regular basis, you my friend, are in a unique situation. I hope you continue to report.

Cardon Family said...

Oh my gosh! I am laughing sooo hard! That is the best story! Don't you love love love their explanations of things! I love the "side-licked" and I love that she was sticking the contacts up her bunnies butt! so cute in a sick and funny sort of way!!hahaahah

Kyle and Melissa said...

That is reason for a BIG laugh...so funny! You are amazing to do what you do with work, take care of her and be prego all at the same time.

Stephanie said...

What a great post! I love it!

...and I dont think any of my kids stuffed animals have anal cavaties... you should get that check out! lol