Tuesday, April 7, 2009

My dearest Jayda Grace...

Times have been tough these past few weeks. I barely recognize you lately because your attitude and demeanor has been so dark. You have been a very difficult little girl (that’s an understatement). I don’t know if it is just your age, or the new baby, or the fact that I was on bed rest and in the hospital for so long with others caring for you, or what...but lately, I have found myself referring to you as “Captain Evil” (not in your presence of course). I can’t begin to describe how hard it has been to be around you because you’ve been so mean.

I have yelled at you, put you in time out, spanked your bum, cried, screamed, prayed, and everything else in between. Nothing is working. Your attitude changes on a dime and you seem so unhappy. You whine, you cry, you disobey, you do the exact opposite of what I tell you to do, you have been behaving just downright nasty.

However, I love you more each day and really felt the need today to express my love for you at this exact stage. I guess I’m putting this on the blog partly so you can read this later and know how much I love you and partly to remind myself of the sweet, heavenly gifts that you bring to my life.

Jayda I love you more than words can describe. I love your sweet laugh, your bouncing blonde curls, your big blue eyes, your sweet-tiny dimpled hands, and the sounds of your feet running around our kitchen in your dress up heels. I love seeing you dance and lip sync to Queen’s “We are the Champions” (who requests Queen at 3 years old?? LOVE IT). The sweetest sound in the world is when you say “I love you mommy.” I adore the times you hold my hand and reach up to me with open arms, I cherish the quiet moments where we are alone and you snuggle up to be held and I truly savor each kiss. I am blessed to be the one to kiss away your tears and wipe away your hurts. I love that you need me and that you are mine. You are my soul, my life, my breath, my heart. Please know that regardless of how you feel or act at any given time I love you unconditionally and irrevocably. I love the sound of your voice, I love that you look just like your daddy, I love seeing you sneak in sweet kisses to your baby sister. I love you. I love you. I love you. Forever and ever.

I love you to the moon and back little Jayda Grace!
Xoxo,
Mom

4 comments:

Shelley said...

Cori, my mothering skills have been stretched to the limits more than once. Hang in there. Shelley

Stephanie said...

seriously, this choked me up! so sweet!

Stephie said...

What a sweet letter! She'll cherish this when she is older.

Hope things get easier for you all soon!

Jillyboo said...

I think every mother has felt just as you have.
Ella went through a stage, very recently, where I just didnt know where she went. It was as if someone stole my sweet girl and left me this angry, bratty version of her. I was so frustrated and nothing seemed to work.
The only thing that seemed to help was praise. I praised her all day long. And rather than yell and get angry I calmly puller her aside, always hugging and kissing her after her time outs. I dont know why but that approach worked so well with her. She's finally coming back to me again.
Good luck, I now how hard it must be in the midst of everything else you have going on.